Sunday 22 January 2012

Generation 1, Chapter 8: Marriage doesn't mean eternal bliss

"Hey there, Kay-Kay! Did you have a good night's rest? Because today is going to be a big day, seeing as we'll be moving soon...," I coo to my daughter as I fetch her from her crib.

Kaylin is developing her skills faster and faster everyday. Already my little angel can talk, walk and even SING. But that's not the only thing that has changed. No longer does Kaylin have only scraps of little hair on her head: she now has a whole head full of beautiful blonde curls, which we struggle to comb through everyday.
Alex and I are not on the best of terms. As I sit down with Kaylin to tell her a nice little stories, her keeps wandering to Alex, where he's sitting down with a newspaper in his hands. Sometimes my little angel just wants to spend osme time with her father.

"Alex, for goodness sake, could you please put down that newspaper and come spend some time with our daughter?"

"Not now," he mumbles from behind the pages. I roll my eyes, and I can see Kaylin wanting to giggle.

"You have such a bad daddy, don't you?" I grumble to her silently.
Throughout the day, Alex is ALWAYS occupied with something or another, and it's getting on my nerves. As I want to ask him if he'll make dinner while I spend time with Kaylin, I find him on his phone, having a merry chat with someone.

"Alex!" I sign with my hands, trying to catch his attention.

"Not now," he mouths, then continues talking on the phone. I can't make out what they're talking about, but at times, it sounds serious, and at times it sounds jolly. I wince even thinking about it, but could he be cheating on me?
I end up ordering pizza for dinner, for two reasons. One, none of us want to go through all the trouble of making a special dinner, and two, I'm really craving pizza.
Dinner starts off being incredibly silent and awkward. As he's munching through his slice, I gather up the courage to confront him about my suspicions, and ask what he's up to. But even before I can voice my doubts, he interrupts me.

"Oh, I forgot to tell you. I saw this great advertisement in the paper about a house, and I just got off the phone with the real estate agent, who says... WE GOT THE HOUSE! As long as we put down a deposit first thing tomorrow, but that won't be a problem."
"Um, that's, uh, great, honey...," I nearly choke. "But, uh... You should have told me. I don't even know what this place looks like. What if I don't like it? What if it's in a un-safe environment for children?" I rant on.

"It'll be fine," Alex soothes. "You'll get to see it tomorrow morning, and then we'll decide whether to buy it or not. Luckily, the place comes fully furnished, so we don't have to worry about moving to many things around."

His speech doesn't soothe me one bit, and ticks me off even further. Why was Alex so different lately, and more importantly... Why am I so different lately? Even in my own mind, I sound bitchy.
Alex is true to his word, chasing us all out of bed to go look at this house bright and early. But it turns out Alex only wanted to show me pictures, because... He already bought the house. So THAT's why the house was already fully furnished.  The trip to the house isn't at all how I would have wanted it to be, as I had to ride Odyssey all the way to the house, and I didn't even know where this place is. After getting lost a few times, I finally managed to get to the address.

"Come on, Des, you can't even read a map? What took you so long!" Alex laughs at my very ticked off expression.

"I CAN read a map, you knucklehead. It's just riding a horse that's hard to manage."

"Alright, alright, no need to get antsy at me! Just go put the horse in the barn - that's the nicest part of the house, it has room for everyone."
I nudge Odyssey forward with a small squeeze from my legs, which results in her shooting forward into a gallop, then resting into a trot. All I can think is, SAVE ME. I was sooo not expecting this move from Odyssey.
Odyssey is one of the stubbornest horse I know (correction: the ONLY one I know). She just refuses to go into her stall, stamping her hooves and shaking her head to prove that point to me. Feeling completely discouraged, I turn to desperate measures and blackmail.

"If you don't go into that stall right now, I swear that I will never give you carrots again," I enunciate slowly, making sure the message comes across through my tone of voice. A spark of understanding enters Odyssey's eyes, and she backs into her stall.

"Now that's how you do it!" I fist pump, closing the stall gate and making sure it's locked.
The lot is so big, I almost get lost trying to get to the front porch, where Alex is waiting with Kaylin in his arms.

"Would you mind taking Kaylin now? I had to take care of her all the way here," Alex complains, his eyes averting my gaze.

"Who is the one that always has to look after, then, huh?" I counter with frustration.

"What? What do you mean by that?" he replies, looking really confused. I sigh in response. He really is clueless at times.

"Never mind about what I said. No, you keep her for a while. I want to go explore this house first, seeing as you already had ample time to do so yesterday."
As I walk into the house, what's the first thing I see? A beautiful, white piano, standing in the first room. When I was growing up, I had a real talent for musical instruments, and I loved playing them (still do). Especially pianos. I'd beg my mother to get me one, but she was too busy to mind me, or my silly dreams.
While I go about exploring the house and its contents, Alex goes to put Kaylin to bed in her new room, which I find out looks almost exactly like her old one, with the same colors.
The nicest part of the house? It even has a special room for pets.
Of course, there are some great upsides to moving, but there are also serious downsides. Even with the change of address, there were paparazzi stalking us, almost entering the house when the door was unlocked. That same day, Alex called a security company and puts up a fence to keep out any unwelcome visitors.

"Those people have no lives," I mutter. "Stalke-razzi's, for sure."
A little while ago I had theorized that I may be pregnant, as I was being nauseous all the time. The feeling had disappeared for a short time, but now it was back with vengeance, and I spend a half hour in the bathroom, alternating between crying and puking.
Swinging the bathroom door open with the little strength that I have left, reveals that Alex has been standing behind it, waiting for me to come out, or perhaps for a turn in the bathroom.

"You've been in there really long, Des. And it didn't sound good. At all. Are you sick? Do you have the flu? Maybe we should take you to a doctor?"

"Um, I'll be fine, after a good night's rest, and maybe some mouthwash," I shrug.
But that's not the case today, as while I'm snuggled in bed, waiting to fall asleep, nausea yet again overwhelms me and I jump out of bed, trying to keep my stomach's contents down.

"Des, seriously. If you don't feel better by tomorrow morning, I'm driving you to the emergency room."

"Oh...kay. Okay," I agree, almost climbing back to into bed, but I'm really not feeling as if I want to go to bed yet.
I curl up next to the bed on the cool, wooden floor, wishing the awful feelings away. To my surprise, I feel a soothing hand rest on my shoulder.

"Alex? That you?" I ask groggily.

"Who else?" I sense him smiling. "Don't worry, just relax and sleep a bit."

Now this is how I remember Alex to be like; soft and caring, and, usually, unselfish. 
When I wake up the next morning, I find myself back in my bed, but covered completely in sweat, and almost dying from the warmth the duvet is offering. After a quick shower, I get dressed back into my PJ's, and stomp the entire house through in a search for Alex. The last place I check is the nursery, and that's where I find him.

"Good morning, my lovely wife!" Alex greets me with a grin playing across his lips. "I got up to deal with Kaylin, who was hungry... I didn't want to disturb you, but I see I did. Sorry 'bout that."

"No, it's fine, really. Thanks," I smile back.

"Feeling any better?" he asks.
Almost as if on cue, I sneeze.

"Well, it's not nausea, thank goodness... But I think I have the flu. Or maybe even a plague, because I feel horrible standing here."

"I'm gonna change Kaylin's diapers, then I'll drive you to the hospi-"

"NO. No hospitals, please! They have needles... I hate needles." I can see him on the verge of protesting, but I interrupt him. "Look, I'll be fine. All I need is a clean and happy environment and everything will be hunky-dory. This isn;t the first time I've had the flu, you know."
Even though I really don't want to, I pull myself together and get dressed properly, seeing as today is a really big day: Kaylin is celebrating her birthday and becoming a child. Looking at her, growing up so fast just makes me wanna cry. And I actually do end up crying.
Kayli as a child... Wow. What can I say? She takes my breath away! She is as cute as a button or as some people would say, gorgeous, and I already see boys swooning over her when she's older (but the boys have to get past an overprotective mother first).

She's a very adventure-seeking person, like her father, yet likes the finer things in life, like her mother. I love seeing how she looks so different from me, but she's almost exactly the same as I when it comes to personality.
With her adventurous nature, Kaylin dives into the sand pit and starts spreading it around in huge dust clouds, which cause Alex and I to cough hysterically.

"Would you mind cutting that out?" Alex yells, trying to hold his mouth, nose and eyes closed simultaneously.

"Sorry," Kaylin shrugs nonchalantly.

As the dust starts to settle, I'm overcome by nausea once again, but this time, it's accompanied with a kick in my abdomen area.

Oh gosh... Pregnant again.
"Alex. I don't need to go to a doctor today," I laugh at my husband.

"Why? Wait... You're not feeling like you're dying, right? If you do... Don't go into the light!"

I spend a minute trying to retain my laughter, but I fail miserably. "I'm pregnant, you big dummy! But I think I might also be sick... I still have a running nose, but I can deal with that."

My husband heaves a relieved sigh, and and goes back to sitting down. "I was really worried there. That's great, Des! I'd be more excited, but I'm currently trying to calm my heart rate down."
I look to Kaylin who's having the time of her life on one of those riding toys, and I wonder how she would feel, knowing that she will have a new brother or sister sometime soon?
For the rest of the afternoon, I alternate in watching Kaylin care for her horse, Odyssey, and eating some kind of food that I'm craving. But mostly I stick with spying on Kaylin. Already, she's a pro at handling life's many tasks.
Before bed, Alex asks me to do the laundry. Usually, I don't have a issue with that, but tonight, I do. I feel like Alex isn't doing enough around the house, and that he's just ordering me around like a slave. I do think it might be hormones acting up. Am I only good enough for doing housework and bearing children? Will I never have a career?
As I exit the washing room, Alex is waiting for me at the foot of the stairs, yawning.

"You done with the laundry yet? I'd like to wear my sweater tonight, while sleeping. It's kind of chilly, don't you think?"

"It's in the washer, currently, and it'll be done in a few minutes. You know, you can always use another blanket in bed."

"Nah, that'll make me too warm for comfort. Say, after the laundry is done, could you do the dishes? I think some flies are swarming there."

And that simple request pushes me off the edge.
"You can do it yourself, you lazy ass man. I am NOT your slave."

"Wait, WHAT?" he practically screeches. "Honey, I just asked nicely."

"Alex, when I married you, I didn't agreed to be your maid. I said I would take care of you, but this isn't what I meant. I feel like I'm the one doing all the work. I had to teach Kaylin all her skills as a toddler. I had to feed her, change her, sing her to sleep. You did that once or twice. I take care of the dogs, I take care of the housework, and then I also take care of the horse. And then I also bear your children."
"You're thinking of this all wrong. Those are menial tasks! I actually bring in the money in this household. All you do is complain. Because of you, we keep moving houses," Alex retorts.

"I was not the one that said we had to move. You came up with that all on your own. And I DON'T complain. This is the first time I've ever voiced my opinion, and I think I should have said something sooner."
For a few seconds after we've traded retorts and insults, Alex and I stare brutally into each other eyes.

"You know what? Maybe I should have chosen Dwayne over you. At least he cares enough to listen to what I think and be rational about it!" I say, instantly feeling guilty the moment I say this, as I see the hurt cross over Alex's face.
Without another word, I rush up the stairs and into my room, locking it behind me. So what if he couldn't enter? There were a bazillion more rooms in the house anyways, with nice and comfy beds.
I struggle to hold back the tears, and I give up trying in the end. I might as well let my frustrations out.
"Mommy?" a soft voice asks behind me, and I realize it's Kaylin.

"Oh, hi, sweetheart. Why aren't you in bed?" I ask, wiping away the tears with the back of one hand.

"I was afraid... I heard yelling come from downstairs. Did you and daddy have a fight?"

"Yeah, we kinda did. But don't worry, everything will be fine again, sooner or later. Want to hear a bedtime story?" I respond, quickly distracting her before she can ask any more questions.
I had found a story by the name of The Princess, which I think would be perfect for Kaylin, or at least, it would be a good life's lesson. "Once upon a time there were three beautiful princesses.  Their names were Kimmy, Katie, and Kaylin.  Kimmy was 3, Katie was 5, and Kaylin was 8.
They all lived in a manor, with butlers, maids, cooks, and lots of people.  But the princesses did not treat them like slaves, they treated them with respect and kindness."
I had changed one of the princesses' names to 'Kaylin', to make her feel apart of the story, and it seemed she likes it, smiling as I read that part.
Within minutes of reading in a calm, soothing tone, Kaylin's eyes begin to droop, and she drifts off into a peaceful sleep, and I hope that she will have plenty of beautiful dreams.

"Good night, my sweet angel. Tomorrow is your first day of school, and you need all the energy you can get," I whisper by her ear, kissing her goodnight.
Kaylin and I are up and early the next morning, getting ready for the day's activities that lay ahead. I get her lunch box packed, while she gets her bag and all her writing utensils. As I walk into the lounge area in search of her lost eraser, I spot Alex sleeping on the couch, and the sight warms my heart. I had really been too hard on him last night, and I feel sorry about the things that I had said.
Kaylin walks out the gate to the school bus, all confident and smiling, ready to meet many new friends. Her emotional mother, on the other hand, can't stifle the oncoming tears.

"They grow up so fast...," I sniffle.
For a great majority of the day, I'm bored, and end up spending my time outside, working out some muscles, and ensuring that I lose weight that I may or may not have attained during the pregnancy. Loud footsteps approach from the porch, and I wonder whether it's Alex or Odyssey?
"Destiny... We need to talk."

"We do," I agree bluntly.

"Look... I thought about it really hard, and I see where you're coming from. I think I would feel exactly the same, were I in your shoes. But what bothers me is what you said afterwards... I don't know what to think about that."

"I didn't mean that last part. Sorry about that," I apologize. "Dwayne is in my past. And to be honest, he isn't half the man that you are."

"Well, that's good to hear!" Alex smiles, but I see it's forced; he doesn't really believe me.

"Um, I think I'm gonna go for a walk for the day, you know, clean my head, make sure I don't yell at you or any of the pets today. So, uh, yeah, see ya."
I give Alex a quick peck on the cheek before walking out of the security gate. I didn't really plan on going for a walk today, but I might as well. Clearing my head is a good idea, and might help me understand why in the world I had to throw Dwayne's name in my argument with Alex.
Time flies by, and I only get back after five PM, when it's already dark outside. When I check my phone, I see A LOT of text messages and calls coming from Alex, and even from Kaylin. There are also some random spam that I end up deleting without a moment's thought.

I make my way to the porch, but Kaylin comes running to me, greeting me with her best smile.

"MOMMY! There you are! I missed you!" she cheers, hugging me.

"Aw, I missed you too, sweetie!"

"Daddy told me about your piano, and that you're very good at playing it. I tried, but it didn't sound as good. Maybe you could play it for me...?"
Without a moment's doubt, I head into the room with the white piano and start playing "A Walk In The Park" for her, as I got inspiration for it from today's walk. I notice how her eyes are following my fingers, and he mouth forms into a round "O".

"Wow... That's really beautiful, mommy."

"Thanks, Kay-Kay. I've spent a lot of time perfecting my skills..."

Before I can utter another word, there's this sharp pain that overcomes me, and I nearly faint.

"Uh oh...," I breathe, cringing in pain.
Yup, that's right. Labor time.
"MOMMY! WHAT'S HAPPENING?" Kaylin screams.

"Mommy forgot to tell you... You're... Gonna be... An older sister...," I huff through the pain.

"I don't understand!" she continues to screech. "I don't want mommy to be in pain!"
Kaylin doesn't understand yet, but a half hour later, she kind of does, as I present to her a new baby boy I gave birth to.

"What I meant with that, is that you were going to be an older sister to a new brother or sister that would be arriving soon. I never did tell you of my pregnancy, I guess. Next time, I'll warn you."

"There's gonna be a next time?" Kaylin asks, wide-eyed.
I only smile at my lovely daughter, but my attention is then distracted by the new boy I'm holding in my arms.

"I don't have a name for him... Maybe I should go ask your father. He's usually good with these things."

"I think you should name him Keegan...," Kaylin suggests, avoiding my gaze.

"Why do you think so?"

"Don't tell anyone, but it's the boy in my class that I have a crush on."

Ohhhh, I could definitely sense trouble on the horizon.


~♥~

Fingers = hurt from typing.

Eyes = drooping because it's past my bedtime.

Brain = tired from thinking out what to say any further.

Well, thanks for reading, and with this post, I bid you goodnight!

PS: There will probably be a lot of mistakes, seeing as I'm REALLY tired at this moment. REMEMBER to point them out to me, please!

:)